What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 04:04
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She married twice! .
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So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I could never make a relationship work though!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
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You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
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As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Can you share some of your favorite jokes that are not well-known but always make people laugh?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I have no regrets .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why does everyone hate Ed Sheeran so much?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why do boobs of some girls bounce when they walk?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
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He knew the spot.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
How do teachers justify punishing a student for fighting back against their bullies?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
What did i know ?
One cannot live in the past .
What do feminists mean when they say they want to ‘normalize’ menstruation and its discussion?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Would this be the day?
She was in good health!
I was scared of men, in general
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She found it foreign!.
My family never makes their pension either.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Put me off passion for life!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Especially a lifetime of it.
So, i spoilt her more .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I think the readers, may guess!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Comes on , in middle age.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
All the time i was locked up.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He resisted the act ,that day.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it wasn’t much.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Who then, do I blame.?
I don,t even have a pension.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And i lived it daily.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But ive been too sick for many years..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We all went to grammer schools
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I said to her
She wouldn,t have been !
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was seconnd youngest,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I write beautiful poetry .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I waited trembling.
So whats the point in blame.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She loved him until the end.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Ive learnt so much.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im still living with it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was very sick at this time too.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was 9 years of age.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We were not on the streets..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
This is soul school!.
But, we were locked up after school.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I will be 64.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why did i forgive my father ?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My life is so biszare .
It was going to be , some day.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!